


Phantom Voices

by nafs (nafio)



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Disability: Deafness, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-02
Updated: 2007-08-02
Packaged: 2017-10-07 22:16:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/69801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nafio/pseuds/nafs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patrick's losing his hearing, but he's not losing his music.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phantom Voices

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by/is a response to dot dot dot, an MCR genfic by tacks.

This is the story of Patrick and his stupid noise-cancelling headphones, and his years of loud concerts without adequate protection. How he doesn't even realize he's losing his hearing until Pete gets really concerned that Patrick is all drifting away in his head. It's not unusual to need to throw something at Patrick to get his attention, and Pete touches Patrick all the time. But he's getting into fights with the others, claiming that no one passed on this or that bit of vital information, and complains about once a week that his monitors are on the blink. When Patrick's cellphone is on the couch beside him, ringing at three-quarters volume, and he doesn't notice, Pete calls him on it... Patrick argues that just the fact that they're having this conversation means he's fine. Pete covers his mouth with both hands and keeps talking. He watches Patrick's eyes go wide and next thing he knows he's on the ground, Patrick throttling the life out of him because "that's not *funny* Pete"

And it's not. The doctors Andy eventually drags Patrick to confirm that Patrick has lost quite a bit of hearing, and that if he keeps on, it'll just get worse. Patrick, who never wanted to be the frontman in the first place, is suddenly insisting that they are not cancelling a *single date*, okay? Because no matter what, music is all he has, and he's going to squeeze out every last second of it. Pete switches buses with Andy, and steals Patrick's headphones, telling him to just play the music at whatever volume he needs, but not right into his ears, all right you motherfucker? Pete stocks up on real safety earplugs for on the bus, and makes Patrick wear them if he's going to listen to the openers. Sometimes he even gets Patrick to agree to listen from the soundbooth instead of right backstage next to the goddamn speakers.

It's Pete who notices that somehow, Patrick appreciates silence more now, and gets it written into their riders to have a quiet room, somewhere deep in the bowels of the venue, where anyone can go to read, or think. Patrick finds it easier to compose in the quiet room, discovers he can feel the vibrations of his guitar more easily when the bus isn't moving under him. Teaches himself more explicitly what he's always known subconsciously - how the waves and spikes of GarageBand translate into the nuances of every instrument, even his own voice.

The crew, even Joe and Andy sometimes, talk about this being their last tour, but Pete soon makes it known that he will kick the ass of anyone he hears talking that way. Patrick's still writing, somehow, and it still sounds awesome. If Beethoven could do it, way back when, then Patrick Stump can totally do it too, especially with all the technology that's available these days. It's not like anyone's going to mind if Fall Out Boy's music tends towards loud, after all.

Some things are a relief to Patrick - he doesn't have to do anymore interviews. He's tried once or twice, when they can find somewhere really quiet, but he finds that if the interviewer has an accent, he has to get Pete to repeat each question for him. It's frustrating too, although less so, now that he has a name for what's wrong, an enemy to fight. He wasn't all that great with words to begin with and now he's a half-step behind every conversation, and he feels ridiculous having to ask people to repeat... not *re-word* or *explain*, which is what they all try to do, but just *repeat* comments or jokes or... He hits things a lot more. Pete buys him an "I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you" t-shirt, with the "not" crossed out and an "and" inserted in.

Onstage, the only thing he's unsure of is the volume of his voice, but he can feel Andy's drums, Joe's guitar and Pete's bass almost as well as the guitar vibrating against his body. It helps even more when one of the sound techs comes up with the bright idea of bringing out an onstage monitor that Patrick can stand in front of. It ups the incidence of feedback onstage for a few shows, until Pete and Joe learn how to move around it. He gets a little paranoid about the keyboard. He knows all the right notes to hit, but it's possible for a button to be hit accidentally during set-up causing sounds he totally doesn't intend. Pete adds a bit to his stage schtick that involves messing around with the keys before Patrick takes over, just to check.

He gets insecure about the quality of his own music for a while, but Pete's unswerving faith, coupled with Pete's constant nitpicks about this chord, or that phrase, help him through it.

He totally *hates* the hearing aids they give him. Nothing sounds right, and the background noise is too distracting. He carries them around with him, but doesn't wear them much. People learn pretty quickly not to ask him if he's not wearing them.

He finally finds a name for it, to describe what happens with him and Pete. They call it "Phantom Voices". When Pete's nearby, and Pete is constantly nearby, he doesn't even have to *try* to hear his voice. As long as he can see his face, or catch a couple of syllables, Pete's voice is so ingrained in Patrick's head that he hears it all. It happens with a few other people too - Joe, Andy, Dirty, most of his immediate family, but with Pete it's constant. Even if it's just text messages or an email, Pete's voice is there. Those few seconds of total incomprehension that started Patrick's nightmare journey never happen again.

It's possible that he'll never produce for anyone else, or write with anyone but Pete again, but on his good days, that doesn't matter so much.


End file.
